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First time blogger!!

Hi everyone! My name is Kim and YES you read it right I am indeed a first time blogger. I would like to take the time to apologize in advance for my horrible sentence and paragraph structure.With this being my first blog and all I should probably tell you a little bit more about myself then what I put on my about my About Me page!!

I am happily married to my best friend and love of my life Phil. I have two children. A 10-year-old from a previous relationship named Adam and a 3 1/2 month old baby boy named Lukas. Yes they drive me up the wall at the times but they mean the world to me and I love them all dearly.

When I’m not at work I can safely say that I’m easily found at home. From video games, bottle feedings and diapers to cuddling and movies and everything in between I love family time. I also enjoy time for myself. My favorite pastimes include reading”romance and young adult books are the best”, listening to music and working on craft projects.

I started this blog as a hobby. As of right now I don’t plan on trying to make a living off of it. Things may change in the future but I will cross that bridge when it happens for now I  just want it to be a hobby. A way to share my thoughts and experiences with other mothers out there. I have two other pages on this blog. One  I will be posting old poems that I have already written and hopefully future poems that have yet to be written. The other one I will be sharing craft projects that I have done.

I have spent the past two months debating about starting a blog. Yes! The thought of actually starting one was scary. I was so nervous about the idea of starting a blog that until a few days ago nobody knew I was even thinking about it. I finally opened up and told first my husband and then friends and family on Facebook. I am extremely grateful that I did because the support and encouragement I received is what finally helped me take the first step. So here I am at the end of my very first post. Finally embarking on a what I hope will be another favorite pastime.

Yes I know this has been a very long boring blog post and I’m sorry about that. My future posts hopefully won’t be as boring.

Thank you!! for taking the time read my post. Feel free to leave a comment

Well my goal of a weekly blog post has definitely gone down the drain. Not too surprising between work and taking care of my little man it’s hard finding time to actually sit down and write.

He’s getting so big. Hard to believe he’s 9 months old today.  He’s come such a ​long way since he was born.

He can stand and walk with help. He’s learning how to use a sippy cup with s straw.  Even though he makes a huge mess he enjoys feeding himself with finger foods.​Today was some pasta.

Of course I still had to feed him some puréed food to make sure he got enough to eat..

Yesterday we went to  the zoo. It was Lukas’s first trip to zoo and he had a blast.

Now we’re just sitting at home relaxing. I’m relaxing as much as I can with 9 month to keep an eye on. Lukas on the other hand is busy playing with and empty box and turning the living into one giant playpen. 

Much needed smile.

My husband must have known I needed a good laugh. I got home from work a little bit ago and discovered my animal friends being silly.

Radford the reading reindeer and…….

George the sock wearing monkey. Socks don’t go on your hands George. 

My husbands calls them shenanigans. Me I just like the smile it brings me at the end of the night. Especially when it’s been a rough day. I don’t come home to these shenanagins all the time but when I do I sure do appreciate it. 

I love you Phil. Thank you.

My wonderful husband surprised me with some beautiful flowers when he came home from work on Valentines Day.I think they’re daisies but I’m not sure. I made him some homemade Valentine’s Day cards one from me one from our son Lukas.Inside of Lukas card to daddy. I gave my son a piece of paper and a crayon, and let him make his own little drawing for daddy with a little bit of help so he didn’t try eating the crayon.

Today we went shopping and got a space saver highchair that converts to a booster seat for our son.

When we got to the store we seen all their Valentine’s Day stuff on sale so I got to get some more Valentine’s Day goodies a few days late.

So I choose this cute little guy. And a tasty treat on a stick.

Momma’s Little Helper/Inspiration

Well my goal of a writing a weekly blog post has already gone down the drain. Not surprising though between work and taking care of my little man I am awfully busy and extremely tired.

img_4794In the midst of dealing with writer’s block this little cutie decided to wake up from his nap. Daddy grabbed him and set him on my lap and the next thing I know he’s wanting to hit keys on my keyboard. Speaking of the little one it’s time to get his jammies on and give him his last bottle of night. I will be right back………………………………………………..

 

 

 

 

Okay I’m back. Little Lukas has been fed, changed and is back in bed for the night. This past week has been very long and tiring. Took my little man to the doctor on Monday. Poor guy has reflux. Thankfuly a change in his feeding schedule and holding him longer after eating was all that was needed to help cut down on the spitting up. He still does it but not as much as he was. Unfortunately because of having to feed smaller portions every 2-3 hours his naps are no where close to what they used to be. I’m just glad that it hasnt made an impact in his night time sleep. He still sleeps a good 12 hours with one nighttime feedting anywhere between 3a and 5:30a.

I’d hate to see how tired I’d be if he did wake up more than once. Probably wouldnt even last a day at work. Be begging my husband to let me be a stay at home mom even though I have child support for my oldest son.

Photo source unknown.

 

On the bright side my son has reached quite  a few milestones lately. He’s rolling over and playing with toys now. The other day he rolled over and somehow managed to get a toy in his hands and his feet.

I think I’ve bored you enough with my ramblings. It’s time for me to log off and wake up hubby to make chocolate chip cookies! MMMM yummy my favorite.

Hope everyone has a good night. Hopefully my next post will be in a week instead of two weeks.

Stress-my biggest fear

Stress has always been a part of my life. I know I’m not the only that is affected by it. Lately I’ve noticed my stress level has sky rocketed and quite frankly it scares the living day lights out of me.

Yeah, yeah I know what your thinking “it’s just stress how can it be scary?” It’s scary because I see bits and pieces of my father in me. While most kids growing up dream of being like their parents, the idea turning into my father did and still straight out scares me to the core.

I didn’t exactly have the greatest childhood. My father wasn’t what you’d call a loving parent – Grandma and any of my family on my dad’s side that might follow my blog I’m sorry for what you are about to read but it is 100% true and may drastically go against the memories of the man you knew. ……………………………………………………………………………………………..

Now where was I? Ah yes that’s right.Like I said my father wasn’t a loving person.The first memory that I have of ever being scared of him was when I was in elementary school. I remember getting him getting mad at me for some reason or another and taking it out on one my toys. Literally ripping the head and limbs right off the body. I was both scared and heartbroken. The bear was a gift I believe from my grandma-dad’s mom -when I was a baby. I have to check with my mom to make sure because I could be wrong.

The bear looked basically like this one with perhaps a different color and type of fur it’s been so long I don’t really remember anymore exactly what it looked like.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Photo courtesoy of  http://www.bearsandbuds.com/KenYenke-Articles/KenYenkeIdentifiesTeddyBearsinBearsandBudsTeddyBearMagazine.asp

I’m sure you’ve probably figured it out by now, but for those of you who haven’t I was a victim of child abuse. The first time my father laid a hand on me I was in 6th or 7th grade. He got so angry and mad that he first punched a hole in the wall then grabbed me by the neck and pushed me into the same spot. To this day I still can’t handle turtlenecks or even having my husband rest his arm around the back of my neck and shoulder cause I start to panic from the instant memories it gives me.

The physical abuse happened two other times. The very last time after punching me in the stomach a few times he pushed me which caused me fall but unfortunately my sister was in the wrong place at the wrong time, when I fell I ended falling into her before we both fell into something. I don’t remember if it was the wall or headboard.

Each time something small and insignificant to most people set him off. The first time it was because I had one of those cheap plastic slinkys they sometimes give out during the parade on my backpack. My sister and I had identical backpacks that year “no idea who’s crazy idea that was”. I got tired of accidentally grabbing the wrong backpack on multiple occasions so I found a way to tell them apart. He didn’t think I needed the slinky and truly believed that our names on the bags was enough to tell them apart. When I refused to take the slinky of my bag he just exploded into a fit of rage.

It’s been over ten years since the last episode of physical abuse happened but the memories of those events have left what feels like a permanent emotional scaring inside. My whole life I’ve been scared of turning into him. Scared to have kids of my own due to the fear of someday doing to them what was done to me.

I’ve never felt that fear as much as I have the last few days. When I noticed that my stress level is causing me to act like my dad and nitpick at everything my husband says or does. Getting upset at the smallest things and starting arguments with the only man that has ever loved me enough to deal with my emotional and to actually make an effort to help me become a better version of myself.

I’m glad I haven’t taken my stress out on my son but taking it out on my husband isn’t any better. The last thing I want is to follow my dad’s footsteps and the fact that I’ve started to has been a huge wake-up call and a sign that I need to get back into counseling and get help dealing with my stress in a healthy way.

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Photo was found on Facebook-no idea who the original person to post this pic was. Highlighted words are the most important.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well there you have it, the reason my stress lever scares me so much

Hospital a Blunder

Around 3/4:00 A this morning I read an ABC article talking about hospitals sending women home less than 24 hours after giving birth. In some cases in as little as four hours. I have to admit I’m absolutely baffled that hospitals actually do this.

Labor and birth is a very long and exhausting ordeal on its own. It is even worse when you add in the fact that some women also have complications. Thankfully I wasn’t one of those women.

Although I can’t help but think about my own labor and delivery with my two boys. My pregnancies were only 10 years apart yet so much changed in that time in regards to my hospital stay.

Hospital stay with Adam

  • Labor was induced. I went in around 7p April 2 gave birth April 3rd around 1p went home April 6th
  • With Adam the nurses actually took a newborn pic and I had the choice of going online and ordering copies of the picture”being unemployed at the time I wasn’t able to”.
  • Adam stayed in the nursery and they would bring him to me during the day to feed and change him, but would let me sleep at night.

Hospital stay with Lukas

  • Went into labor on my own. Mucus plug came out around 2am September 4. Labor pains started around 8a the same day and I gave birth 12 hours later.
  • With Lukas my husband and I had to take the pictures ourselves.
  • Except for when they took him to circumcise him, test his hearing and do whatever other tests they do for healthy babies Lukas was in the room with me the whole time.
  • The nurses forced me to wake him up every two hours to feed him
    • Left me with little to no sleep causing me to be extremely exhausted
    • Went completely against my sons natural wake/sleep pattern. From day one he’s been able to go 3-4 hours in between feedings. Which has been a blessing.

 

I know women that breastfeed usually have to feed their babies every two hours but both my boys were bottle fed. Granted all babies are different but for the most part bottle fed babies are capable of going longer in between feedings then breastfed babies. Adam was every two hours. Lukas was every 3-4 hours of course he was able to handle more formula with each feeding than his older brother was able to handle.

 

Link to the article I read!!

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2017-01-04/new-mothers-babies-being-sent-home-hours-after-birth-ama-says/8160578